Back 2 Square 1

I feel old. Not in terms of but age in terms of time you wisecrack. Ah by the way, this post shall stink of narcissism and shall not tire describing the most describable personality, that is ofcourse, I. So flee while you can or I shall inextricably intertwine your thought in this muck of emotions and uncanny zeal that I so possess.

Coming back- by feeling old, I mean to say, I feel like I felt three point two four one five one eight approximately years ago. (Writing numerals seems 2 indecent for my blog). The same old indifference, the blithe mindset, the carefree demeanor, the thoughtless expression; all my good friends are back. The dear old feeling of being dispassionate, of believing that friends are for free, knowing life is fair, enjoying pain as deserved, the joy in one's own pain, the ability to let go; all my beloved companions are with me now. Left me due to misunderstandings bottomless, they now have made their way back.

What disturbs me and delights me, eccentrically enough, is my idiosyncratic characteristic of infinite changes of the mind within infinitesimal time. Didn't get that right? You weren't supposed to either. All I'm trying to say is that it takes just a moment, that sudden moment, when that sudden thought arises and my mind drenched completely in one emotion is completely lifted out of it. What thought? I don't know. But all I know is there is such a savior thought always that levitates my pained self out of the agony, and oddly enough, the thought is never, as a rule, spawned by any event. Only after moments of introspection, at a time unheralded, it makes way into me. Before that sudden transition of the mind, I keep grieving and worrying. But after that sudden moment, which comes unannounced, I am the happiest person on earth and that period lasts long until the stones of time and events knock me down again into the seas of depression.

But this very time, I feel the phase has gone for good. How it happened this very time, is another story in itself. It should have been the twenty-fifth of July, year two thousand and seven that I, suffering from causes innumerable, decided to follow the ideals that have always been floating around in my head, acquired by study, discussion(thanks to some people), introspection and the uncommon common sense. Commend my innovation (or condemn my folly) for I wrote them not on paper but on my Orkut's About Me. And each time, I the narcissist viewed my orkut profile, I would read and repeat and understand the simple English statements written by myself and then came the auspicious moment.

And since then I have been balanced, poised and in peace. I live in peace. I care of none and yet I care of all. I am at peace with myself, at peace with boredom, at peace with insults (need some more work although), and at peace with every piece of the this world. See me and realize that I am just the same as I was before, the same attitude, the same air, the same lightheartedness, but a bit wiser. But this is not the end. For the benefit of the ones, like I, whom friends too have given up in their agitation, I commemorated those mightily helpful lines on WikiHow.( Although I haven't yet received hundreds of thousands of I'm-a-die-hard-fan-of-yours and oh-will-you-marry-me-please emails each day, I feel some or the other poor, destitute, forlorn fellow must have benefited by my modest, selfless and altruistic effort. Oh! I'm so modest, I'm proud of myself! (Please appreciate my modesty, won'ts you?)

1 Comment:

  1. neha said...
    welcum bk n gud luck :)

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